Across many societies; Over the many centuries the concept of romance and love has gone through many changes. Jewish society was no different to the changes in mentality about love. Originally couples would be arranged together usually by their families based on values such as social status, wealth, child bearing qualities, and more. Couples arranged together based on romantic love wasn’t usually a consideration. The concept of Shadkhan dominated Jewish society prior to romantic love becoming the highest value to look for between couples. Shadkhan was the matchmaking done by a middle man paid by families to connect couples that could be compatible together. The shadkhan had great status in society and generally pitted couples together based on various factors. Romantic love compatibility was not at the forefront for the shad khan’s thinking.
By the Middle Ages a new thought of love was taking the youths of society by storm. Heightened social mobility, greater sense of individuality, and expanded opportunities for employment and travel created a fervor for romances based on deep love between couples. Overtime this thought of love came to dominate the minds of the youth over the previous matchmaking done by the Shad khan’s. The older generation was disturbed and confused by this trend of romantic love and viewed it as disruptive to society. They couldn’t see why the young were turning their backs on the tradition of the past in choosing relationships. This confusion is shown in two songs in the classic musical “Fiddler on the Roof.” Singing “Matchmaker, Matchmaker,” Tevye’s daughter hopes that the shad khan will bring her a mate who is both suitable to her parents and attractive to herself. While his wife wonders about love despite being married for over twenty years.The new thought of love originated from France with the book The Art of Courtly Love by Andrew Capella nus and various poets and gradually spread over Europe until it spread out into the Jewish Diaspora. This new courtship between two couples getting to know each other is known as Shidduch and came to dominate courtship till the present day.
The new form of courtship that came to dominate Jewish society after Shad khan involved couples getting to know each other while avoiding physical intimacy until marriage. Jewish law states that once a young woman begins menstruating, she assumes the status of nidah, and remains off limits until the day of her marriage. Romantic compatibility was now the highest priority between two young lovers. In the modern day there are various schools of thought about courtship among different Jewish sects. In less Orthodox circles sexual relations outside marriage is more accepted and casual dating without thoughts of marriage is present. In conservative or Orthodox circles shidduch and being sexually conservative is the prevailing method of courtship. Which method of courtship is better for the society comes down to the viewpoint of the individual. One thing that is sure is romance and love has never been a simple matter and the concepts of the two has changed throughout the ages.