Romantic affinity between a man and woman comes naturally. Well, at least it is supposed to, and we may all have our take on the process affiliated to the end-game that is a full-fledged relationship of which most sadly view love as a bleeding heart cycle. In the Jewish realm however, marriage is literally a match made in heaven as the teachings of Rav Yehuda in accordance to the Talmud, state that 40 days before a male child is conceived, a voice from heaven announces whose daughter he will marry. Now that must not have you fooled, relationships are taken utterly seriously and respectfully in the Jewish community. For one, the Talmud provides for mutual consent, love, understanding, respect and, rebukes underage as well as blind marriages. Simply put, a man is to a marry a woman he has met, courted, fallen in love with and a woman is to be mature and competent enough to come to a consensus with her prospective groom. So like many cultures dating is of great significance and plays a rather explicit role but unlike most cultures, it is perceived as a very serious issue which would explain why it is reserved for not only physically but also mentally and spiritually mature men and women, keenly in search of their life partner. Any constraints affiliated to dating are not derived from old teachings but rather designed for and crucial to the stability of the marriage between well-suited partners.
One would say that dating is essential because it tailors the tapestry on which one’s marriage will be built, depicting the true definition of collaboration and interconnectedness. So simply put, dating can be considered a vetting process. See what you like, make a great connection, grow in it and live in true harmony for the rest of one’s life. One has to be smart while at it thus let one’s mind take control of the heart as well so that the choices are made while in the right mind and not only the blindness of the heart. With that in mind, the date is set in an environment that allows private conversation in which both parties ought to openly discuss their life goals. With one’s mind in place fueling understanding, then the heart can take charge and fuel love. It is key to have one’s mind and heart in sync. Serious and earnest dating gives birth to unconditional acceptance, respect, honesty and trust, communication, compromise and consistency. All of which are a recipe for a robust marriage which will without a doubt face some trials and tribulations with time.
Now we may be discussing the Jewish way but I would pen it down for “everyone’s” way. Well as long as we are talking all things “Jewish dating”, it is order to mention the matchmaker (Shadkhan), a rather important mention, wouldn’t you agree. Notably, the Shadkhan originally earned his living via commission on each and every successful match he arranged. Today however, discreetly offers a valuable service characterized by gathering information about eligible singles. The Rabbi most certainly is quite instrumental as a middleman between interested singles and the Shadkhan. Like many communities, the Jewish realm frown upon sex before marriage which is why the first date is ideally arranged in a public place lest temptation looms over. Eliminating sex is professed as prevention of irreversible mistakes and since we all see reason in that perception, it goes without saying that restrictions that govern dating in the Jewish community are meant to uphold the sacredness of marriage.